Did I Make You Proud?
by Kewix
Summary: Father, did I make you proud? That’s all what I’ve really wanted. -Shrewpaw Centric-


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Warriors.

**A/N:** I was thinking of this for a long time, and now I'm writing it. This takes place during **_Dawn_**, when Shrewpaw was hit by a monster. Here are his last thoughts—mainly focused on Dustpelt.

**Did I Make You Proud?**

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Father, what did you see when you looked at me?

Did you see a brave warrior to be, with all the qualities a warrior should have? I'm not only talking about strength, wits, and ambition. I'm talking about loyalty, determination, and respect.

Or did you see a naïve kit, pretending to fit in with the other big cats around me? I was small—did you judge me by that?

When I was a kit, I remembered how you would used to play with Spiderpaw and I. But one day, we grew up, and you could no longer play with us.

I had my friends, though. But the bond we shared was nothing compared to the one I wanted to keep with you. Perhaps it had something to do with our matching pelts. Perhaps it was just a father-and-son thing.

Only thing is, it wasn't 'just anything'. It was something special. Something I wanted to keep in my heart forever.

And ever, and ever...

The connection between a cat and his son is not a very common one. But I can't help but think that's what I needed. Wouldn't you think so, too?

I remember when the Twoleg monsters invaded our forest. It was a dark time, and we needed as many cats as we could handle to make it through this. With Brambleclaw and Squirrelpaw gone then, it was hard.

We need their skill. At least, that's what you said.

To tell you the truth, that made me a little jealous. You believed in them, but you never said anything like that to me. Then again, Squirrelpaw _was_ your apprentice.

You were never the soft type. I didn't want you to be. I didn't want you to look after me, protect me, or anything like that.

I only wanted some encouragement.

When Larchkit died, I remembered the look of pure sorrow on your face. Something sparked inside of me then, and I vowed to make it up to you, although it was not my fault. I would be a warrior not only for myself, but for Larchkit, too.

I was quite close to Larchkit. I would visit her from time to time, because we shared an uncommon bond. I would play with her when Ferncloud and the other kits were asleep. Larchkit was a very restless little furball.

I did not want any other of our family, or the Clan, to die, and so when I went out hunting with Thornclaw, I decided to catch something big enough to feed all of us. I knew you would approve of that.

When my eyes rested on a pheasant, I almost went out of my mind. I was hungry—starving, actually, and I knew that it would feed most of the Clan. I bolted into full speed, and the large bird gave chase.

I had no idea that I had wandered out onto the Thunderpath.

The blow that was delivered to me was enough to make me scream out of my skin. My paws skidded on the solid, gray Thunderpath, causing my pads to bleed. Blood trickled into my eyes, and I collapsed, unable to move.

I saw so many things before my eyes. Ferncloud—my beloved mother, Squirrelpaw—my best friend, Whitepaw—the one who was always close to me, Thornclaw—my mentor... 

And you.

I can't recall too well, but I'm not sure if it was you I saw first, or if you were the last thing I saw. In vain, I clawed my way through my mind, just to keep that vision of you.

Because the thing I've always wanted to know still lingered with me, in dreams and in reality. I would have asked you, I really would have if I could. But I didn't.

Probably I wasn't ever fit to be a warrior after all, if I couldn't ask you a single question. I bet Spiderpaw would make a much better warrior than I would, anyway.

When Squirrelpaw and Brambleclaw came home, they told us that StarClan would lead us to a new and better home. I was hopeful but the Clan was not.

They didn't believe in the two cats that had gone so far to receive this message. They didn't believe they could make it.

They didn't believe in themselves.

Those, are what I think are cowards. I wasn't like that. I really wanted to leave the forest, with mother and Birchkit, and you by my side.

Trust me, father, I would get up if I could. But the pain is too much for me to bear, and its keeping me down. Is that a real excuse?

I'm not trying to make excuses...

No matter, anymore, I guess. This is the end. And all I wanted to know is...

Did I make you proud? That's all what I've really wanted.

--

**A/N:** It's...kinda short...I'm always complaining about the quantity, aren't I?) Review, puh-lease? (:


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